Are you lazy? Then you might as well go to prison. Generally the attitude that we have in society. But let me explain this, as it does appear to be quite a lateral jump.
We have a lazy person. They can't do much, because they're lazy and don't apply themselves. Whether they're good at anything or not, they're lazy. They can't keep a job, they're constantly on benefits, and because benefits aren't high enough, they can't survive without cheating the system. They'll probably end up in jail. Or they'll commit some kind of crime, and end up in jail. If you're lazy, the only place good enough for you is jail. Or death.
Does no one else share a slight tug of anger at this kind of attitude? Is lazy all that much of a crime? Is it even a crime at all? What causes a person to be lazy? I myself would admit to being lazy, so I feel I'm in an appropriate position to right about this. But what does it mean to be lazy? I've said before that lazy means preferring to do something that you'd rather do, in place of something that means very little. But I'm not a dictionary, so I looked up the definition instead.
Lazy:
1.Unwilling to work or use energy: "He was too lazy to cook"
2. Characterised by lack of effort or activity
I don't want to put too fine a point on it, but these almost appear subjective to me. They're not absolutes, is what I mean to say. To say that someone is "unwilling" is probably the strongest part of the definition. But "use energy" is something that requires further distinction. The same with "lack of effort or activity". The fact is, a lazy person isn't always someone who does nothing. Nothing is always something. Nothing can't exist (that's a whole other blog) so to say a lack of effort or activity can't make sense. How many activities can we actually do? At once, especially. I hear that women can multitask, but really, I'm yet to see such a thing be performed. Listening to the radio while cleaning, or driving, or talking on the phone whilst... I don't know, something not sexist, does not count as multitasking to me. Multitasking would be driving whilst writing, or drawing whilst composing a piece of music, or something extravagant and fantastic. Perhaps the modern world has sullied me against the excitement of the world, but those are my demands. I am yet to do any research on the subject, though, so I'll hold my hands up for ignorance. That means you can't criticise me. Ha!
So as I said, being unwilling to use energy needs clarifying. For example: What if a person is low on energy? What if they lack a sufficient amount of energy required? Is that still lazy? We don't have finite amounts of motivation or energy, and some people, particularly introverts, like to safeguard their energies. For good reason. If normal tasks like day to day interactions take a lot of effort, then having a good store of energy means the day is possible. I at a lot of times feel that I have a very limited source of energy, and doing things that I deem to be less important than something else, I'm generally unwilling to do them.
So am I really lazy? Or is it that I'm just different, and my difference is that I don't have as much energy as the people around me. Or things that a lot of people perhaps find quite simple takes me more energy. For example, I don't doubt it would take a lot of energy to get a car to be a boat. And I bet Mo Farah would have a job doing the caber toss. I mean, I've spent the best part of... Time writing out a defense against laziness. That's not really something a lazy person does, is it? Perhaps the problem is that I'm just incompatible with the world that we have at the moment. I don't fit very well into the cogs, beings made of mushy red stuff.
So that brings us to the problem that I constantly try to avoid: I don't know how to keep on living. I don't know how I carry on, I don't know how to live. I always find a way to pull myself back up, but at the moment, I think I've slipped too far. I have a job that (and I don't say this lightly, I mean it in a very literal, not at all complaining because I'm lazy way) I physically hate, and physically hates me, I'm rolling in and out of depression (and now I'm in a career where a positive attitude is essential, good choice, Allan!) and I'm so fucking lonely, I actually cried myself to sleep the other night. I haven't cried for a very long time. Not properly. I can't, it just hurts my face. I cry for a second, and then it all dries up. And all these things together leave me feeling utterly in despair. Hopeless. Empty, you might say.
I don't want to have to work. Not because I'm lazy, but because it's so hard for me to move. Sitting in my chair in my room, I'm content. Not happy, but content. Getting out of bed is more of a battle each day (I dread to think of tomorrow morning) and then I have to spend 8-10 hours festering for minimum wage, and then go home and do it all again the next day. I don't care for money, I have no need for material possessions. So long as I have my laptop, and a roof over my head and food, I can't complain. Just a roof over my head and food would be fine. I'd find a way to write without the internet (I'd probably be better off. But for the mean time, let me have my opium). And I'm forced to work harder to earn bonuses I don't want to earn, to earn money I don't need. Literally, I feel like I'm forced. I'm not moaning here, I'm not just complaining for the sake of it, everything I'm saying I'm not saying by accident. I hate my life right now. And if you're sitting back thinking "He hates HIS life? What about MY life!?" think about what that means. Think about why it is you're saying that. Isn't it fucked up? That instead of supporting each other, we're pitted against one another in a battle, so that we keep working for other peoples profits.
The blessing of writing a blog that no one reads is that I can be free to post these kinds of things. No one will actually say anything. But it doesn't make what I write any less real. I don't know how I can cope. The only thing keeping me going is the guilt, genuinely, I'm alive because I feel too guilty for feeling bad. If I was to actually allow myself to feel as bad as I do, I don't know...
We shouldn't feel guilty for feeling bad. We should be supported. We shouldn't have to fight our way into survival, survival should be guaranteed. Especially in a first world country. We shouldn't have to chose between happiness and content, they should be together. I won't apologise for feeling like this, and I shouldn't have to.
Anyway, I guess that's the end. If you did read this, ask yourself why. And then feel bad for wasting some of your Sunday night. And I guess I'll post next time I have something.
I'd say share and comment, but it's a bit inappropriate. Plus no one listens anyway.
yawn
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