Abstinence

There are worse things than Warts...
Long term relationships!

For those of you who know me well, you will know of my choice to abstain. There are numerous reasons for me making this decision. One being I have lost any passion for a sexual relationship of any kind. It's too much hard work, in my mind. That, and there is a distinct lack of options to break my vow, a Hobson's choice, but without even a choice to chose. There's also the belief that, should I in time find someone that I feel is worthy (or I worthy for them) to be in a relationship with, I know that having been so long since that I will enjoy it more.

Lately, this has evolved into a complete disdain for any kind of relationship. The sheer idea of attraction turns me off. I still somewhat have a sex drive, but it's not an outward one. I think the problem has simply grown from the amount of rejection that I've faced. But this is turning into something I don't want it to, I'm not seeking any form of pity. I'm simply looking to communicate some feelings I've had lately.

And if they ask "Would you like to be Abstinent?"
you answer...

There is loneliness in my heart, I do feel a longing for female company. But It doesn't ever extend further than that. I'll have a splutter of "damn, I could do with a cuddle right now." or "boy, what I wouldn't do for just one kiss." But this passes. Mostly because I tell myself "Don't be stupid, what happens after you've had it?" Or "Don't be stupid, who you gonna get?"

It doesn't help being on Facebook, because I have a lot of attractive women on my friends list (it's not so much of a problem, none of them talk to me, thanks to my affliction with science and religion).

I'll say one thing though, as disgusting as it sounds... I've learnt the value of friendship. Now, I just enjoy the conversation. Mostly because it's hard to find decent conversation, but also because it's just nice to hear a female perspective on the world.

But there is a negative. Slowly, over time (and not just due to my decision of no snoo snoo) I've become... Ever so slightly misogynistic. I don't 'hate' women, per se, but I'm more acutely aware of their bullshit. And there's a lot of bullshit. In fact, I have a feeling I may never find a woman who I actually feel comfortable with.

A little biased.

Which brings me to the purpose of writing this blog: I'm doubting. I feel like, maybe I should just stop. Or at the very least, stop avoiding women completely. But I don't know. It's a serious case of doubt.

I don't know if there is any one who's gone through something similar, or anyone who can offer advice, but I would be appreciative of anything anyone can offer.

Well, as usual, don't be afraid to share, leave any comments you'd like to in the comment section, and I look forward to hearing from you!